- When I started dating, my friends in Georgetown wanted more details about my sex life with women.
- I didn’t want to be his entertainment, so I tried to keep all the details to myself.
- Now, I feel more confident dating a young bisexual.
as major in georgetown, I have noticed that details about people’s sex lives are often used as social currency on campus. Once taboo gossip about sexual positions and partners is now easily spread, especially after a few glasses of wine in a dorm room or on the dance floor of a college bar.
During most of my time in georgetownUsing my sex life as a topic of conversation was not only harmless, people expected that of me.
But that all changed a little over a month after I broke up with my ex-boyfriend. I started dating men and women; I’ve known I’ve been bisexual since my junior year of high school, when I fell in love with my lacrosse co-captain.
I quickly realized that many of my peers were curious if I was going to start dating women, who those women would be, and how I would meet them. It took only a few conversations to realize that many of these questions were more voyeuristic than genuine, and I decided to stop sharing details of my sex life with my friends.
When I first got into dating apps this semester, I was very open and candid about my experiences.
Talk of dating app escapades was common; Less than a week after returning from winter break, several gin and tonics deep, one of my friends asked me who my “girl target” was in Georgetown. He was basically asking, if he could have sex with any girl in Georgetown, who would she be?
It wasn’t something I would have said sober, but the question made me feel angry and inadequate. I would never call someone I’m after a “target,” especially a woman; I know what it feels like to be reduced to a sex object, and I would never do that to another person.
On another occasion, a friend told me that it would be “more exciting” if I shared more dating stories with women. His comment didn’t come close to being disrespectful of asking about my “target girls,” but he did make me realize that several of my friends were only interested in hearing about my sex life with girls.
After multiple questions like these, I realized that my friends may not have malicious intent, but rather reflect a broader voyeuristic interest in the sex lives of women exploring their sexuality. At Georgetown, I was lucky that I didn’t experience a backlash when I told my peers that I’m bisexual. What I have experienced, however, is an underlying sexualization of bisexual women in college in general.
I have witnessed several similar interactions with other friends who are starting to date across the gender spectrum.
I realized that my love life exists to be a source of excitement for others, especially because of my sexuality.
It was then that I decided that I was going to stop sharing details of my love and sex life with my friends; I no longer wanted my sex life to be a source of entertainment.
My method of maintaining more privacy has varied from friendship to friendship. In one case, I explicitly told a friend that I would no longer share details with her because I wanted to date multiple genders without her asking probing questions about those experiences. She was a little hurt, but she understood. In other situations, I’ve simply omitted details of my dating escapades from casual conversation, intentionally listening more than sharing.
Choosing to reveal less about my sex life to my close friends has resulted in some awkward and one-sided conversations. But my short answers, long periods of silence, and abrupt changes in subject feel necessary at this point; it means I can continue my queer sex life without feeling like a character on a TV show.
Even if it comes from a place of genuine enthusiasm and interest, asking these questions has made me objectified and uncomfortable, whether directed at me or my fellow bisexuals.
Now that I keep my sex life to myself, I feel more confident in my queer identity.
Recently, I have felt more empowered to meet and date women now. Without constant questions from friends, I feel free to make my own judgments about how I really feel; I don’t have to worry about their opinions.
This new privacy allows me to explore my bisexual identity on my terms. As a young person with only a couple of dating experiences under my belt, that’s important to me.