- Therapist Alexandra Solomon shared strategies for frustrated singles who want to enjoy dating again.
- Each of Solomon’s tips is completely free and easy to complete, using mindset shifters.
- She suggested that singles enlist the help of their friends, set swipe limits, and rethink the purpose of a first date.
If the thought of opening a dating app makes you want to scream and throw your phone out the window, you’re not alone.
One in five singles said they Dating apps have had a negative impact on their love lives.while six in 10 singles say dating apps had no effect on their romantic lives, according to 2022 data from the Pew Research Center.
Many singles have also written about their personal career decisions. delete dating apps foreverciting lackluster or downright rude interactions with other singles, unimpressive dating pooland too much focus on casual sex.
But dating apps don’t have to be the bane of your existence, according to therapist Alexandra Solomon, creator and host of the weekly podcast. “Reimagine Love”. In the most recent episode, Solomon explained how to make dating apps feel like an empowerment tool instead of a drag.
She shared her favorite strategies, based on her research, her experience counseling clients, and tips from her Instagram followers, to help singles reframe their mindset so that dating can feel fulfilling, not exhausting.
She said her strategies aren’t meant to make you more physically attractive or guarantee that you’ll find the person you should marry. Rather, they are there to “take care of you while you use the apps” so that you can preserve your mental and emotional health.
The best part? All of Solomon’s advice costs nothing and takes hardly any time:
Remember that the connection in real life exists
Solomon said don’t limit your opportunities to meet people. Sure, you can meet them through an app, but you can also meet them through friends, at a sporting event, or through a local special interest group. If you remember that you can meet someone great in the world, you won’t feel dependent on an app, he said.
Flex your “small talk muscles” whenever you can
Showing curiosity about those around you, whether it’s your barista or a regular at the dog park, can help put you in a better dating mindset, Solomon said. She said that engaging in small talk is a low-risk way to remind ourselves that we are interesting people and interested in others.
Be clear about your “why”
Whether you’re looking for long-term romance or casual fun, it doesn’t matter if you’re asking yourself, “Why am I going on this date?” it can avoid conflicting motivations and wasted time, Solomon said. If you really don’t know why you’re going on a date with a certain partner, it’s okay to skip it without regret, she said.
Recruit friends to test your dating profile
Solomon said this is a “micropractice in vulnerability” and also a way for your closest friends to encourage you to date. She said that doing this is a reminder that you don’t have to go out alone. Plus, they might see you and your profile responses in ways you may not even have considered.
Put your slip under stimulus check
Limiting swiping to certain times and settings can prevent you from feeling overwhelmed or the burnout many singles experience, Solomon said. If you allow yourself to reflexively swipe, the event and the dates that follow will lose meaning to you, he said.
Find yourself in real life as soon as you can.
If you get bogged down in screen-based interactions, you’ll miss out on opportunities for vulnerability and real connection, which are cornerstones of a healthy relationship, Solomon said. Making an appointment as soon as you feel safe, or scheduling a phone call, can avoid getting stuck, he said.
Reframe your idea of a ‘good’ first date
According to Solomon, the only parameter for a good first date is the feeling that you are open to a second date with that person. She said the idea that a first date should be filled with butterflies or instant chemistry is a media-fed myth that can lead to one disappointment after another. Instead, Solomon suggested that singles trust that curiosity can be enough for a successful date and remind themselves that attraction can build over time.